the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Im just a social blackout drinker.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
