I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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