Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Randomize
