Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
