dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
