Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Randomize
