first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize
