Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
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