the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Randomize
