yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Randomize
