After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Randomize
