i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Randomize
