I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
