I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Randomize
