we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Randomize