We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
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