I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
