I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
You smell like stripper and shame
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
