Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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