so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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