Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Randomize
