he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
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