What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
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