Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
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