omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
