In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Randomize
