What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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