I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
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