you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Randomize
