your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
