if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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