So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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