I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
