Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
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