Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Randomize
