3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Randomize
