Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Randomize
