It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Randomize
