RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
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