guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
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