Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Randomize
