Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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