I hate your face
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Randomize
