Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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