Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
Is it because I queefed?
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Randomize
