last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Randomize
