Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
