I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
