There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
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