wat bout pragnant strippers??
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
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