I'm drive I can fine osifer
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
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