So drunk its hurt
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Randomize
