so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
...so i touched it.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
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