what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
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