Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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