Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
