I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
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