end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
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