I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
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