I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize
