During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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