it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
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