The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
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