I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Randomize