Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
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