Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
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