he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
