Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Randomize
