i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Randomize
