The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
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