What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
