whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
is that a dick in a sweater?
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
