if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize