laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
I fill condoms, not promises.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
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