if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
