wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize