You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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