at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
