god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
