I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
meet me or not, i'm out of control
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
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