Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
be right there i have to get my cape
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
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