kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Randomize
