I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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