beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
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