my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
