I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
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