When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Randomize
