I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
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